Wednesday 12 September 2018

Kindness Doesn't Cost A Thing

Last night Noah and I unfortunately ended up in A&E after he woke with a really bad cough which was causing him to struggle to breathe . After a call to 111 we were  sent there to be seen and checked out as I was pretty freaked out by how much he was struggling. Our nearest one that was open and available was about half an hour away, we arrived there abut 11.30pm and on arrival it looked busy but not so much that it would take long to be seen, or so I thought.

All in all we waited 3 hours to be seen by a nurse and then be told there was a near enough 4 hour wait to see the doctor. By the time we were seen by the nurse, where Noah had been sat up for some time as we couldn't sleep due to the noise that was going on in both the triage rooms and the waiting room, his breathing had levelled out and he was chesty but breathing at normal rate. After being told his oxygen levels were 100% and that it couldn't be croup this settled me slightly. 

While sat again in the waiting room after seeing the nurse a lovely lady arrived with her son who was just a year younger than Noah. When your sat in a hospital with your child who is poorly or injured it gets pretty lonely with your own thoughts and wonders about whats going on and when you will be seen. As soon as she walked in we started chatting and she made the whole experience that bit more bearable at 2am in the morning. We spoke about random things and kept me sane during the wait.

It was late, Noah wanted to go home, he was tired and I started to wonder if to go home as he was so much better than when he had first woken up. Being by myself I was unsure on what decision to make as I didn't want to make the wrong call. The lovely lady must have seen my anguish and asked if i was ok. I explained that I wasn't sure what to do and she kindly helped me make a decision and put my mind at rest. 

She didn't need to do that, she could have just sat there quiet with her son and left me feeling like I was. And I think without her I would have sat there for the duration which I know now, after Noah woke up after sleeping in our bed so much better, would have been a silly decision. 

Once the decision had been made I took myself to get Noah discharged which by this point I was tired, felt guilty for my decision, felt like I had wasted time and just generally feeling rubbish, which isn't a brilliant combination. I then had to wait and that is when the tears came. I think the worry, the tiredness and the guilt just took over and the tear started to flow. And throughout that time while I waited, the kind lovely lady kept her head poking round the corner checking on me, asking if I was ok and giving me that look that only a parent can give another parent of - your doing the right thing.

So I want to say thank you to that lady. She will most likely not see this but if she by some chance does, I just wanted to let her know that her kind and lovely self made last night that bit more bearable.

As I write this I am fuelled by tea and cadburys dairy milk!

Monday 10 September 2018

Where have I been........

Wow, it seems like a long long time since I sat at the computer and wrote. I have sat at the computer lots but it has been to work which has kind of taken over the time I had before that I used to blog. The words have also not been there, I have had them in my head but I've really struggled to put thoughts to screen which I think has been one of the causes of my recent anxiety. 

I used my blog to document life but to also get the thoughts that were swirling in my head and the frustrations of parenting out. This became a struggle, I think because I was over thinking everything I wrote and wondering what people would think of me. This is one of my biggest downfalls and I am doing my best of late to not let it rule my life. I worry constantly what people will think of me and what they will think of the words I am publishing for everyone to see.

This struggle of not being able to get my thoughts out has come to a head of late and I have realised I do in fact suffer in some way with anxiety. I am hoping that starting to write again will help me deal with this. I find that I worry about everything and my heart is at a constant go fast due to this. Trying to do too much is also an awful trait of mine so I'm going to try to slow down and focus on the important need to do now things.

Life of late has been lovely, we have had holidays, millions of days out and so many memories have been made. The summer was a jam packed 6 weeks of fun, laughter and tantrums and I have to say I was sad to send them back to school, although they did drive me slightly potty. Saying that, on their first day of back to school I flew to Ibiza with my school friends so this took the pressure off slightly and I had the most amazing time.

We have also since my last personal blog post got a little Dachshund. Her name is Poppy and she has slotted right into life with us and we couldn't ever be without her now.

I'm at a crossroads in my work career that I am wondering what to do. I have a passion for social media, which I have made into my job for the past 2 years, but I am wondering if to take it one step further and make it into a business but I am still at the scared point that I wonder if anyone would want my help. Just going to see where the next few months takes me.

The boys are loving school and have settled in amazingly which means that routine can be restored which I love!

Watch this space.........


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