Monday 11 September 2017

What's Next?

As you may have noticed I have been a bit absent from the blog for the past 6 months and I honestly haven't got a reason for that. Nothing really major changed 6 months ago which made me stop blogging, I just lost my words and my passion to put my thoughts down for all to read. I think I started to worry if what I was writing was interesting to other people and I didn't want to start writing posts for the sake of writing them. I want my posts and words to have passion in them and that went away for a while, but I think they are back.

We had the most incredible summer having days out and generally enjoying each others company. I turned 30 which was an amazing few weeks with lots of fizz, laughs and love. I was taking in our time together without having the worry of feeling like I needed to document it for the internet world to see. This I believe was all down to the fact Noah, my youngest, started school just over a week ago. I subcontiously was savouring our time together and selfishly keeping it to myself. 

Last Friday, 1st September, Noah set off into school for the first time and Finley started in year 1. That day was emotional for us all, due to the fact it was all new and all change from that day forward. I have been used to having some time at home while Noah was at preschool but for some reason school felt a whole lot different. He is still on less than half days and doesn't actually start full days until the end of September but there is some shifting that has gone on in my head and its been a struggle to get used to.

I have been poorly so this helped slightly take my mind off of it, but slowly as I have got better my mind has been going into overdrive about the future. Where am I going in this journey of ours? I'm not going to lie, but I currently feel a little bit lost. I work from home for a few hours a week but this isn't going to keep my mind busy for the 6 hours they are at school and also I have a feeling of needing to find me again.

Jobs have bee applied for so I have my fingers crossed for those, but then I worry about how we will cope during the holidays, as the holidays which the jobs offer don't cover the time they have off school in the year. Then I begin to think should I stick with what I am doing now as this is perfect for us with regards to the school runs, but then I start to think about what people think of me. Do people think I should get a job? Do they think I'm lazy? Then other times I think, do you know what who cares what anyone else thinks!

I am incredibly lucky that I get to do what I do and that I don't have to worry about childcare, and I hope everyone knows that I know that. I think I just need to find my place in our new normal as no one knows what the future will throw at us!


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