The last couple of days have been pretty pants, and that is putting it lightly! Monday morning started with Finley not wanting to go to school and me having to leave him crying. Now any parent will know this is one of the worst feelings in the world and it made the rest of my day until I picked him up rubbish. Then our day was topped off with a trip to A&E with Noah after he fell and cut open his chin. Not the best day in the world but I went to bed saying tomorrow is another day and that it would be better.
Tuesday was a lot better until I picked Noah up from preschool, put him in the pushchair and his coat knocked half of the glue from his chin and his chin was bleeding again. I called the hospital and they told me to take him back, I knew I had to go right then as it was quite open and needed seeing to. The only thing was I also had Finley to collect from school.
In that very moment I felt on my own as I knew Mr C was in a meeting and friends weren't available. I panicked, I cried but I managed to get hold of my Grandma-in-law and she went and collected Finley. Situation sorted, but I was still an emotional wreck. I think I was tired, worried about Noah, and just generally emotionally drained but it was no excuse for what I went and did. I took to Facebook on Monday night at midnight. Not the best thing to do when tired and emotional.
I posted a quote and said how alone I had felt that afternoon. In my head I think I knew I might upset some people but I did it anyway as I thought it would make me feel better, and it did for all of 7 hours, of which I was asleep!! This post upset some of those closest to me and in turn upset me. I had taken our unfortunate situation in which I had felt rubbish and pushed it onto others which I should never have done and is one of the most selfish things I have ever done, and at this very moment I hate myself for it.
My problem is that I am a very emotional person and I don't hide it very well. When I am upset I will cry and I will talk about what has upset me. I also bottle things up which the make a situation worse as I am that much more emotional than I would be if I had just let it out when it happened. In the moment I don't think of others and I am just very selfish and think of myself. I say what I feel without thinking how it may make others feel or how I actually may sound. Also Facebook really isn't the place to voice these emotions as you never know who you will hurt, or who will take offence to it.
I need to keep these emotions in check, and this morning has shown me just why I need to do this. I just want to apologise to those I upset as I know they would do anything for me and the boys, and I know I can rely on them 100%.