I am suffering from a major bout of Mummy guilt at the moment and I have to say it's a pretty horrible feeling. It is horrible because the things that are making me have these feelings are also things that have made me happy. Over the past few weeks we have been busy with having plans most weekends and our weeks being filled with play dates and days out, but these have all involved the boys. But it is the plans of the past few days and the coming days that have made my Mummy guilt creep up and have made me feel crappy when thinking about it. And I have even lost sleep over it.
On Tuesday I went to a friends house to celebrate her and her sisters birthday where we had dinner and drank pina coladas in her hot tub. This was brilliant until I got home and got into bed and started over thinking. All of a sudden I realised that I wouldn't be bathing and putting the boys to bed now until Sunday night. I had running club yesterday evening, CrossFit this evening and both of these run 7-8 which means I miss bath time. This is usual in the week when Mr C gets to have some quality time with the boys but this week is different as on Friday I am off to BritMums! I am lucky enough to be staying two nights and coming home lunchtime on Sunday.
I love the plans I have but just in the back of my mind I am feeling like a terrible mummy for missing bed time and having a few days away.
So last night I bathed the boys at 6pm before Mr C got home to take a little bit of pressure off of him so all he had to do was put the munchkins to bed, and also so the last bath time I did wasn't Monday evening. I may also do the same this evening before I go to CrossFit just so that I feel I am doing something. Which is pretty stupid seeing it written down as I am with them all day, everyday - apart from when they are at preschool. I normally do bath time along with Mr C and I will read their book to them every night when I am home, so it's not like I don't do any of this. But I think because I normally do it I think I am letting them down and also as I have a weekend away I feel like I should give them all my time before I go!
This is the worst that the Mummy guilt has been, as I have had bouts of it previously but not at this extent. I do have it on a daily basis for just silly little things but I think we all do. I am finding myself trying to make up for my weekend away and just generally feeling guilty about leaving them.
But thinking about it I don't think there is anything I, or any other parent for that matter, can do about this guilt. I think it just comes with the territory as we love them so much and we don't want to feel like we are letting them down!