Does anyone else find that sometimes everything just seems to pile up and get on top of you?
I'm there right now. I shouldn't moan as this has happened due to me and my husband having some time away.
When it was just us two, getting back into it didn't seem too bad. But when you have children and you have been away from them, I don't know about you but I feel I need to compensate them for the time I was away. This probably sounds incredibly silly as they didn't even realise we were away as they were having a ball with their grandparents but in my head I know I was away. I had nights where I didn't bath them and days that I didn't collect Finley from pre school. I didn't read them their bedtime stories and I didn't cuddle them when they fell over coming down the garden path too fast (I'm always telling them to slow down!). And I feel incredibly guilty at times for enjoying that time we had away.
I am also doing the marketing for my husbands company which is a new thing in our routine. I feel I need to prove myself, not to my husband but to society. As I feel there is a stigma that comes with being a stay at home mum. And I need to prove my worth. But if I'm honest that feeling hasn't come at the best time when I am trying to over compensate my time with the boys.
It's my husband birthday tomorrow so I am also organising that and wanting it to be the best day, to show him how much he means to us and how much we really do appreciate the life he has given us. I do tell him often how much we appreciate him but I feel occasions like Birthdays give a great reason to really show it and treat them.
Then there's the blogging. I love it as I can write down things that I need to get off my chest, document my boys childhood and I can connect with other mummy's that feel just like me but I yet again feel lost in that. I want to write but I don't know what about. I then go a few days with no writing them then get in a bit of a tizz with what to write (I really do create problems for myself lol).
I want to be the best at everything I do and I want everything to be perfect. I want to be a working mum that can also cook, clean and run a house. I also want to keep fit so I am trying to fit that in too but I don't want it to cut into time with the family.
And I think its all getting to much. And I'm getting lost and I'm feeling lost and I hate it. I then feel on edge.
Sorry to ramble but I needed to write down all these feelings. And I just feel everything is overhead and I am juggling it all and that I am getting it all wrong.
My patience level with the boys is lower and I end up shouting at them for such little things and then I feel awful for raising my voice.
I just need to shake this feeling and thought maybe writing it down it would help.