The question of another baby is one I ask myself everyday. And everyday my answer is different. When it's been a good day with the boys it's a yes, a bad day it's a solid no and then there's the days that I'm undecided.
We have had the talk and my husband would be happy either way. I'm not saying I'm not happy with us being a family of 4 but I love babies and if I'm honest I love having babies.
I am so lucky to have carried two healthy, happy boys so should I just stop there? I've said to my husband I don't feel like I cherished my last pregnancy enough to not have another baby but is that a reason to add to our family?!
There are as many pros as there are cons. One con being with 3 children and being a family of 5 the dynamics change and most activities are for a family, 2 adults and 2 children. But I have noticed lots of family tickets and activities are 2 adults and 3 children now.
Then there are holidays. At the moment we could manage a holiday abroad, financially and emotionally, but with 3 children I think it would push it in both areas.
At the minute there is a ratio of 1 adult to 1 child. Perfect. And I worry adding a third into the mix there will always be a stray child somewhere.
I worry a third child would be left out as the boys have and will have such a strong bond as they are so close in age.
But I can't get that niggling thought from the back of my mind that I really would love another baby. I love their smell, how tiny they are, their cry (not at 2 in the morning) and how my boys would be with a brother or sister.
I worried when I was pregnant with Noah about how I could love another human being as much as I did Finley, but you do, your love just multiplies. I have so much love to give and that feeling of love for your child is incredible.
There is no better feeling in this world than having someone love you just as much as you love them. And to have someone rely on you and need you, this is daunting too.
When do we stop?? I have sold all the baby equipment and clothes. I have told everyone no more. But deep down I'm not sure. And as my hubby said, will I always have this feeling of 'one more?'.
I do feel like our family is complete and I do wonder how we would cope with another little monster coming into our lives but my boys are worth all the tears, stress and guilt. So maybe one more?
Not now, but in a few years. Let's see.