Wednesday, 22 July 2015

You Know When You Just Feel A Total Failure - Today Is That Day

You know when you have one of those days that you feel like a total failure as a mother? When there is nothing you can do that seems to make the children happy and every activity ends in a tantrum from one or both of them. And when your patience level is at an all time low.
That is me today and I really don't know why.
Today seems to have just been a test from start to finish, and it's not even finished. I think the fact I know that the hubby won't be home until after bedtime doesn't help.
The very word that I wanted to hear so badly is granting on me today and even as I am writing this the guilt is bubbling inside me. I love them so much and there is nothing they could do to ever change that but that word 'mummy' today is just over used!
It's being said for no reason at all. When I answer, which I do every time in the hope they may actually need or want me, most of the time they don't and they look at me blankly and carry on with whatever they are doing.
Finley just seems to be crying for no reason. It's a temper cry due to something not going his way, at least its not a tantrum! We went to Westonbirt Arboretum to get us all out the house and to have a picnic. The moment we got there Finley broke down as he was hungry and couldn't wait the 5 minutes I had asked him to until we got to a bench.
My patience level is at an all time low and this is probably one of the main factors that today is going like it is. I am there mum and I should be able to tolerate them and take all the crap they throw at me. But today I could just break.
We got home and I thought it would be a nice idea to do some painting. Well, they decided to flick paint everywhere and then paint themselves. All I thought was not today, please not today! So the paints got packed away. Now they are playing bumper cars in the garden in the cosy coupes, I can cope with that just not sure the neighbours can with their screeching!
And the fact my BRAND NEW 2 week old washing machine has broken and they have told me it will be a week until they can fix it isn't helping with my mood.
There is also the fact the house is on the market so I am doing my best to keep it tidy but with two children that's pretty hard to have it spotless all the time. And I feel like an awful mum for telling the boys to not make too much mess.
I love every second I spend with them even if they drive me round the bend but I just feel today I am not being the mum my boys deserve and that I could do better. Tomorrow is another day and I'm sure tomorrow I will wake up with some more patience but today - I just don't like today!
And I could cry and I need a hug - but that's one thing I can do, be strong until they are in bed and then cry into my dairy milk.

Mummaknows
Mummy and Monkeys
Mami 2 Five
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MaternityMondays

28 comments:

  1. I think we all have days like this!
    Sending big hugs!! I'm sure tomorrow will be better x

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  2. Gosh, I can completely relate to this! Sending hugs and a glass of wine! Tomorrow is a new day :)
    Becky x
    #Bestandworst (I had already commented on your linked up post!)

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    1. Thank you - wine was needed, much better now xx

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  3. We all have sucky days me more than most honestly. If be annoyed by the washer too it's amazing how much laundry builds up but you know it's happened and it'll get fixed and you'll be on top of stuff again. The house being in the market doesn't help does it? I think that some deep breaths may help but ultimately just know you're not alone and you're totally allowed to have a crap day and feel elated when bedtime comes, it doesn't make you a failure it makes you real x

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  4. Aw love *hug* I hope you really enjoyed your dairy milk and are feeling better!
    We all feel like this some days - I can assure you - you're not a failure xxx
    #famjamlinky

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  5. Oh, big hugs... I had a day a liitle like this yesterday... but instead of washing machines and crying kids it was broken cars (YUP 2) and cow! Today is a new day! Hope it's better for you x #pickandmix

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  6. Oh no I hope you had a good sleep and all was right the next day. Totally feel your pain and we all have these days.You are a fab Mum so do not worry! The people viewing the house will have to realise people live in it!! xx #picnmix

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  7. Oh sweetheart I used to hate days like that! There's 19 months between my two and it made for hard work, but having a bad day or so and struggling doesn't make you a bad mum...it makes you human! Children aren't the easiest of creatures at the best of times ;) Really hope your week improved! Thanks for linking up to #PicknMix

    Stevie x

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    1. It improved - glad I'm not allowed. Thank you :-) xx

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  8. oh no I think we all have days and sometimes weeks like this ...... more so when you have children you are just a normal and fabulous mummy like the rest of us sending hugs and lots of lucky dust for a better week next week xx #PicknMix

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  9. I can relate to this a lot. When Baby M was first born - almost every day felt like this! I felt like I couldn't even handle my own children. The power of a break is amazing. Hang in there xx and thanks for linking #famjamlinky. Definitely hope to see you back!

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  10. oh hun i just want to reach through the screen and squeeze you - its ok we all have days like this (sometimes a few) and they make you feel so crappy my remedy is o usually just have a really chilled out evening nice bath and an early night hope you feel better soon #sundaystars

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  11. I bet you're feeling better by now......we all have days like this I think. Sometimes I lie in bed feeling guilty about how grumpy I was at bedtime! I can totally understand your washing machine rage- my new Henry Hoover broke yesterday morning and I'm so cross! Big hugs x #picknmix

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  12. It sounds to me like you are a superhero! You are doing an amazing job so quit feeling like you are not. We all have these days and I have had heaps of them and Jack is only 6months old. Keep up the good work superhero mummy. xx #SundayStars

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  13. Oh no, we've definitely all had days like this lovely but i know that when it is happening, it's like hell abs you just feel like the worst mum ever. You are doing a fab job though and it's never easy when your hubby isn't home until after bedtime! hope it got better :) #sundaystars

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  14. I am having one of those days so it was lovely to read your post. It's such a hard feeling to deal with and your right you feel like a failure. But your not xxxxx #sundaystars

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  15. Oh it's so hard lovely and we all have those days. I remember when we sold our house, I'd tidy it and take boo out all day but I know that's not so easy with two. Here's to a speedy sale and a better day x #maternitymondays

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  16. There is not a mum reading this that doesn't relate to this post. There are just those days when nothing goes right and the kids whinge from first thing in the morning to last thing at night. The worst thing is. You know all this logically but you still want to scream. I hope everything is better now and you got to have a cathartic cry over your dairy milk. Thanks for linking up to #SundaysStars. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

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  17. I have days like this too and hearing Mummy drives me insane when it really shouldn't. I say to the boys sometimes that I'm going to change my name! I hope everything is better for you now xx

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  18. I bet this feels all over now but I definitely get days like this!! Add yes particularly if I know in on my own for a few days, that can really change my mentality which I know it shouldn't...but it does. Hope your washing machine is fixed too, what a nightmare with two small boys! #picknmix

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  19. I think we all have days like this hun! Bless you. Hope you're having better days now though. sometimes the word Mam is way overused in our house too :( xxx


    Thanks so much for linking up with #justanotherlinky :) Hope to see you again this week x

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